Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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