fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
