chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
