I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
