When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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