this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
