you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize