he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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