This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
