I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
