you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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