How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
