I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
