There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
