I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
