apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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