My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
