shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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