oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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