Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
