Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
