my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
