I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
