why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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