Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
