the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
