You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
