I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
