Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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