She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
