I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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