Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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