I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
