I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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