not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The power of my boobs compel you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
