He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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