By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
