We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
