Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
