I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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