and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
