i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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