I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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