There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
