I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
