Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize