i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
