No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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