You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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