One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
