I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
