Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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