summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
