Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
