I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
