k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
