Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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