Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
