I wanna bring you to show and tell
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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