My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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