I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
