This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
