It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
