i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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