We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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