I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize