Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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