I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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