Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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