Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?

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(951): View more from California

so let's talk penis.

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(573): View more from Missouri

i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out

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(305): View more from Florida

If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?

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(480): View more from Arizona

omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"

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(443): View more from Maryland

SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'

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(214): View more from Texas

I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.

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