I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
