All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
